Mangal myths and ignited minds

(1700 words, 7-8 mins read)

It was a cloudy Tuesday morning in the month of October and my body clock woke me up 15 mins earlier than the alarm on my mobile clock that was set to chime at 5 am. Before, my muscles could get into action and catapult me out of bed a lightning fast signal from my brain instructed them to take it easy. The previous night, while I was busy collecting information for an article, I was planning to write for the people’s president of India, Late. Dr APJ Abdul Kalam’s birth anniversary, my son informed me of his decision to skip his football training the next day due to a minor injury on his right heal. Basically, that meant I could return to my state of light sleep and resume the dream in which I was addressing a hall full of bright young students.

Although, my muscles happily obliged to the instruction from my mind and lay still, it was getting difficult for my mind to get back into dream state. It was frequently getting interrupted by a beep sound of 4 monolithic cranes deployed at the World Trade Centre being constructed right across the road from my apartment block in Perungudi, now part of Greater Chennai Corporation. Amidst this tussle between my mind and body the mind subconsciously tuned into another frequency of sound waves of 2 familiar voices; one seeking permission to have a head bath and the other canvasing against it. Before my mind could tune into active listening mode the beep from the crane grew louder and subdued the last audible words “because, today is Tuesday…”. But it was just enough for my half-asleep mind to recognize the first voice as that of my teenage daughter and attribute the second to that of my modern wife with strong religious beliefs!

The beep from those cranes by now became the trigger for scene transition and I was back in my dream. The dream had progressed to the point where I was now faced with some interesting questions following the floor being opened up for interactive discussion. I had just finished talking about the power of youth in India and experience with examples shared by Dr Kalam in the chapter Building a New State in his book ignited minds.  

A tall young boy with an athletic body was waving his hand and as the mike was being passed to him, my mind was preparing my body for a fight or flight response. I felt like a contestant in the famous quiz show, “Kaun banega crorepati?” (Indian version of “Who wants to be a millionaire?”) with no life-lines left. The boy sitting on the anchors’ chair, made famous by one and only Mr Amitabh Bachchan, shooting the question for 1 crore rupees! 

“Uncle, my mother does not allow me to eat eggs on mangalvar (Tuesday). You talked about Mangalyaan, India’s Mars mission and how India is scaling new heights in Space program. But, I am standing here, bound by a superstitious belief that is not letting me to even follow my diet plan given by my fitness trainer. What should I do?”. I gave him a receiving smile so he could calm down and regain his breath. APJ’s quote, “Breathe in thoughts of success and you will be a success”, came to my mind.

For a split second I wished our roles were swapped as a flash back of me asking the exact same question to my mother played in fast-forward mode! If I give him a convincing answer based on my belief system, which has a high probability of alignment to his scientific thinking then we both might celebrate it as a success. I was, at the same time, concerned of the impact that celebration might have on his relationship with his mother and respect for her belief system.

So, I decided to play neutral and suggested that his mother might be following a belief and value system that she was brought up with, and she might be right in her own way. I added, if he did not believe in the same belief system then he should have an informed discussion with her. Try to make an effort to explain to her, his point of view and its importance to his fitness regime. I shared the wisdom of the Dalai Lama who once said, “If scientific analysis were conclusive to demonstrate certain claims in Buddhism to be false, then we must accept those finding and abandon those claims”.

The loud cheers and claps of millennials in the hall was deafened by the voice of my daughter, which by now had escalated to a high pitch. “Ma, I don’t understand why I cannot have a head bath on a Tuesday? My hair is greasy and I am feeling awkward and I want to wash it now!”. It was not very loud nor disrespectful, but was just enough and concerning to wake me out of my dream and bring both my mind and body to ground reality. It felt like a déjà vu moment between my dream and reality!

I rubbed my eyes to shake-off last traces of sleep hangover and adjust my vision to near sight. The first frame, I saw, was that of my wife exiting our bedroom with our dog for its morning walk. In the next frame my daughter was storming inside our (common) bath-room. Our eyes talked for 15 seconds and she understood my unspoken words; she quickly fetched my brush and paste and handed it to me before closing the door behind her! Will she go ahead and take a head bath or skip it and pay her tribute to mangalvar? The suspense started building up and from past experience I knew it would last for another 7-8 mins, which is how long she usually takes for her bath.

I was there, sitting in my green jockey night suite thinking through my next manoeuvre to clear this hurdle. I reached out to my android smartphone with 99% battery life left, as a result of 8 hours being in silent and do-not-disturb mode, and invoked Google baba to provide some answers. Google baba never lets me down! Within a fraction of a second I was showered with 5,30,00,000 results for my “Tuesday head bath” search phrase! An inherent joy and satisfaction filled me with this new found insight that I was not alone in this quest. I hurriedly browsed through some answers (both for and against the subject in question) on Quora and quickly dispatched few links to my daughters’ Gmail address.

The social psychologist in me wanted to empower my daughter – K-Pop listening, mild-mannered and kind-hearted teenager who equally values Indian tradition - and ignite her natural intelligence to question, debate, reason and follow her heart. At the same time, the Indian husband in me, with his 80s upbringing and 90s education wanted his 20^th century love marriage to last forever.

When I returned to my bedroom after having been forced to use the bathroom in mothers’ room for my morning duties, I saw steam coming out of our bathroom door. It was infused with the scent of Head & Shoulders shampoo; “she did it!”. She had already stepped out and was in the balcony that gave a 70mm panaromic view of those cranes still beeping and busy doing all the heavy-lifting. I could see her shoulder length hair dangling in front of her face as she was giving it a whip with her favorite 5 feet long turkey towel! I was glad that she listened to her heart and did what she felt was right for her hygiene. My immediate thought was to reach for my phone and recall those emails I sent but decided to leave it there for future reference.

I recollected the excerpt from ignited minds that I remembered writing down the previous night. It read “…if something is at stake, the human mind gets ignited and its working capacity gets enhanced manifold”. As I was convincing myself about my daughters' determination to question the established beliefs, I felt something cold touching the skin of my right calf muscle. It was, Duster, our dog who had returned from his morning walk! Alas, that also meant my wife would be enter ing the room any second now and I quickly prepared myself to play referee between mother and daughter. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard her voice travelling from the kitchen calling my daughter for breakfast. This was followed by her usual non-urgent but anxious reminder to hurry up as it was almost time for the arrival of our charted auto-rickshaw for school drop.

There was a surprising silence on the breakfast table. As if planned with precision, my wife started talking when my daughter took a mouthful of a small slice of soft dosa dipped in gun-powder. She said, in a calm and composed tone, “Beta, I follow a certain belief system and I would like to adhere to it for your well-being. I understand it is not fair of me to expect you to follow it blindly. So, let’s have a discussion when you return from school and lets understand our respective viewpoints.” I was glad to hear that and felt happy that there was no imminent danger to our happy married life. I was equally surprised by the transformation that was on display on both sides of the breakfast table. 

This was exactly the culture and citizenship that APJ had advocated throughout his life. He left us with this beautiful quote, “Enlightened citizenship has three components: education with value system, religion transforming into spiritual force, and creating economic prosperity through development”, in his book Inspiring thoughts.

I was now filled with joy and recollected my favorite quote by Paulo Coelho from his book the Alchemist, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it”. Events from my own life and my dream provided me with a story write and the message I wanted to communicate to students on APJ’s birthday on 15th Oct, which is now celebrated as “Students Day” all over India. Like APJ said, “Science is all about asking questions and finding the right answers through hard work and research into laws of nature. If India is to become developed by 2020, it will do so only by riding on the shoulders of the young”.

So, lets ignite our minds and help make his vision to make India a developed nation by 2020 become a reality.

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©Balaji Palanidurai

I dedicate this story to my family and all students all over the world! 

If all of us volunteer to change our approach a bit towards better life and respect nature, we won't need volunteers to change the world. 

The day i learnt to blast freeze my wants

"When was this food prepared?" I asked the smart 6 foot flight attendant, with a name tag Abhay, who was happily serving hot breakfast to starved souls on an early morning flight from Chennai to Delhi at the beginning of autumn season and my entrepreneurial life. When an equally smart flight attendant pushing the food trolley from the other side stopped by my seat with a tray in her hand and asked in a sweet but stern voice, "Mr Palanidurai, did you request for a vegetarian meal?", I decided, unconsciously, to have a second breakfast and said, "Yes, I did". Her name tag read Swati and she meant business and moved on swiftly to serve the next passenger.

When I received that tray from her, a deep feeling of guilt killed the joy I had experienced 2 hours earlier when I heard  my name called on the announcement system at Chennai domestic airport. I was relishing the, visa credit card sponsored, ₹2 buffet breakfast in the travel lounge when that announcement instilled a sense of urgency in me to rush to the boarding gate. But, when I realized there was still 30 minutes left for departure, the frequent traveler in me relaxed my mind and  cajoled it to send an instruction to finish that bowl of hot and freshly prepared porridge to wash down that small portion of pongal, 2 mini vadas and a Gujarati thepla that entered my digestive system a few minutes back!

Yes, I was a tad bit hungry that morning; to explore the breakfast spread and life beyond 22 years in the IT industry that gave me an opportunity to learn, earn and the wisdom to get off the bus before I get churned. 

Abhay, quickly realized that I was still waiting for his response and in a mild but confident tone said, "I am not entirely sure sir, but most likely food on this morning flight would have been prepared around midnight and kept blast frozen till delivery to this flight". I acknowledged him with a smile but could not digest the answer I received. The food was prepared roughly 12 hours before, kept frozen and reheated a hour back, probably twice!

At that point I had a choice,

A) To return the tray and let go of  my want (to have a second breakfast) even though it had Aloo Parantha that I was longing to eat the previous night at home, presented and offered to me nicely with a customer friendly smile
B) To go ahead and have it to fulfill my desire to write a short story about my experience in the remaining 90 mins of the flight time.

Now that you are reading it, I obviously chose option B. This experience did feed my desire and energized me to type away 1500 words of wisdom before I landed in Delhi. It also gave me an opportunity to introspect and increased my appetite to research a particular trait of  human behavior.

"Why do people mostly succumb to desires of a want even when their need is already met?"

I am a mature foodie who has been trained well by my health conscious wife over the last 15 years to not be greedy and jump at free food. So, why did I not say, "No, thank you" to Swati? What influenced me to react immediately and receive that tray? 

- Was it the way the food was packaged and presented nicely with lot of goodies? 

- Was it that beautiful smile both flight attendants beamed in-spite of not having received last month salary as the airline was going through tough times?

- Could it be my urge to, once again, taste that tamarind toffee unique to that airline and feel that tangy burst in my mouth and mind? 

- Was it my hangover behavior from the extensive travel from the corporate life that I left behind a month back? 

- Could it be the peer pressure of co-passengers next to me choosing to take that  breakfast? 

- I remembered reading an article that people digest food quickly when they think a lot, could it be that? It was less than 2 hours since I had my first breakfast, though!

As, i was searching for a convincing answer I heard a mature voice that came from behind the row I was seated. "I had my breakfast at home, so, I will not need the full tray. Instead, can I just have that bar of KitKat chocolate, if that is possible?"  I recognized the voice that responded; it was Swati who served me my breakfast but did not offer an opportunity for me to strike a conversation. This time she paused for a bit and in a friendly tone replied to him, "Ofcourse, sir. You can actually have 2 of those. Is there anything else, I can offer you?"

Within a few seconds we all felt a slight bump as the aircraft shivered a bit, swayed for 10 seconds before stabilizing and cruising again. I suddenly heard a voice above my head, it was the captain speaking. "Sorry about that mild discomfort you may have felt. We just flew into heavy clouds and experienced air turbulence. The sky is all clear now and we are cruising above Mathura town and should be reaching our destination in about 30 minutes. Sit back and relax and enjoy your breakfast and our award winning in-flight service".

I looked down at the tray in front of me that was well laid out with a piece of bread, butter, a rectangular bowl wrapped in a green silver foil that was releasing mild steam from a small opening in its corner, a KitKat chocolate, disposable water bottle and hiding behind those plastic cutlery that tangy tamarind toffee. I recognized the trademark wrap in the shape of 2 small beads. I first reached for the water to wet my mouth and mind both of which had become dry processing all those thoughts running in my thirsty brain! 

I could hear a rumbling in my stomach. Was it hunger or anxiety? I could not differentiate but my hands were already opening the green wrapper on which I had kept the butter to melt. The flavor of Indian spices filled the air and before my mind could send any more signals I started spreading that butter on the parantha and took a bite! Just when I was about to send that mouthful down to my mid chamber I saw Abhay approaching me. I quickly swallowed to free up the voice chamber and ducts incase I had to interact with him. But, he stopped by the row in front of me and with a sorry face and an apologetic tone said to the gentlemen in front of me. "I am really sorry sir, we do not have any more vegetarian meal left. We had to cater to all passengers who had pre-booked it. I can offer you omelette and baked beans. Would you like me to bring it?". After few minutes of contemplation that gentleman declined that offer and asked for another bottle of water. He realized Abhay tried but was not in a position to help as he should have pre-booked his vegetarian meal, which he knew was his  staple need.

The rumbling in my stomach was even louder now and this time I knew it was not hunger. I could have helped fulfill the need of that gentleman if I knew how to blast freeze my wants, in this case my urge to have a second breakfast. The next 15 mins was filled with deep introspection and flashback of events from my life when I was faced with such dilemma and what I eventually did in those circumstances. I came back to reality in mid air when I heard Abhay again, "Sir, can I take the tray? We will be landing shortly". I noticed my co-passengers had already finished their breakfast and were reading something. Abhay had given me some grace time to finish my breakfast and came back to collect my food tray. I took my favorite tamarid toffee and KitKat and returned my empty food tray.

I popped those tamarind beads in my mouth while watching Abhay walk back to the cabin crew area and settling down in his seat and buckling up for landing. The tangy juice sent a burst of tangy flavors down my throat and I could feel a state of joy and contentment. The voice above my head returned and filled the air with more joy. "We have reached our destination and 10 mins ahead of schedule..."

My happy state of mind did not let the body feel the usual thud of aircraft landing. Instead it filled me with a sense of satisfaction for not only reaching my destination safely but also for having learnt a new life lesson to blast freeze my wants and re-heat them when they actually become a need. An ability when mastered could help sustain the joyful state of mind and fulfill my quest for happiness!

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©Balaji Palanidurai
I wrote this shorty story based on my own experience onboard Jet Airways flight 9W 736 on 25th Oct 2018 from Chennai to Delhi. This flight was a personal milestone for me as it was the first business trip I took for my own venture and I was glad it was on Jet Airways, on which I had taken my first domestic flight way back in 2001!

After many international travels and lot of flight time utilized to network/read/learn and introspect I was looking forward to the experience that morning. I boarded with an open mind, which widened further when I landed. The experience helped me write about something that I talk about a lot with my friends and family and especially kids. I used to take many life examples as an analogy and that morning I became my own student and learnt a lesson; to take a pause and consciously differentiate between my "Needs" and "Wants" and how to control the urge to go after the Wants!

#jetairways #joyofflying

Joy of listening together

I feel the humble mobile earphones have a magical quality to unite people and bring about happiness. Looks like I am not the only one to think so as you can see from this cartoon created by lastlemon.com (Thank you guys for having created exactly what I had in mind. Hope you don't mind me referencing it on my blog!)

I was on the upper deck of a train from Chennai to Bengaluru, on a cool November morning, seated with 9 co-passengers on the only row with 2 tables surrounded by 10 seats. 6 seats on one side and 4 on the other. I was on the table with 6 seats, lucky to get the aisle seat but unfortunately facing in the opposite direction of the journey. I looked out the window and felt like being dragged from behind at 100kms per hour with green fields, coconut trees and rocky hills whizzing past me one after another, which made me feel dizzy.

To distract that dragging feeling I diverted my sleepy eyes to the inside of the coach only to find many pair of eyes staring at me. Their size, intensity and curiosity varied and were in sync with their corresponding built. But, there was something common among most of them, almost all of them. They all had an earphone hanging from their ears in various colors, white being the dominant. The thin wire from the jack of their mobile phones split into two with a molded earphone at both ends that found a resting place on the ears of their respective owners. Well, not all of them. I noticed a few that were branching out to two people, carrying audio signals to 2 minds united in the pursuit of happiness. Be it watching a YouTube video or listening to classical music or collaborating on a business presentation.

A mild humming male sound from my right got my attention and to avoid being seen like one of those curious souls, I glanced in the direction without turning my head. The sight was so beautiful that my head turned automatically ignoring the "don't do it" signals from my brain. There was this lovely south Indian couple, old by their looks but young at heart listening to some classical song whose lyrics was scrolling on the smartphone the beautiful lady was holding on her left hand. The old man was humming a song and the lady was tapping on the table with fragile fingers manicured with turmeric powder. It felt like she was tapping in sync with husband's humming listening to it through her right ear. Her left ear was holding one of the earphone and the other was plugged on his right ear. His left ear was free and possibly listening to her tapping with those tender fingers that he held for life some 50+ years back. Their eyes were closed and they were nodding in harmony enjoying something they loved doing together feeling happy and not worried about what the world in front of them will think! 

Touched by the beautiful scene and to avoid my tears of joy becoming visible to the young man in front of me, I quickly turned towards my left. Was it a coincidence? A similar scene was waiting for me on that side too. Diagonally opposite were two young ladies neatly dressed in colorful salwar kameez sharing an earphone plugged into one of their mobiles. Their expression was different to that of the older couple, which was expected. They were mostly glued to the screen of the iPhone 5s and whatever they were seeing brought on them frequent smiles and at times a loud giggle or two. I could only guess that they were watching some funny movie but what I could see for sure was happiness, being shared together.

Just curious to see if this was not a dream I jumped out my narrow seat only to knock my knees on the table that sent a sharp signal of pain to my brain. That assured me it was not a dream and with a slight limp I walked on the narrow strip in the middle of closely arranged seats on both sides, 3 on one side and 2 on the other. To my surprise there were a few more such scenes of joy, listening and watching together. Two young boys wearing similar shirts, possibly a uniform of the company they worked for, laughing out loud in unison. A family with a small boy enjoying the classic Tom and Jerry on a Samsung galaxy tab. The mother partaking in the episode without audio as both earphones were used by the father and the lad! I wondered, why no one has invented an earphone with three earpieces yet? That would help mothers like her to be not sacrifice her feelings for the sake of her family. 

The joy and happiness were contagious as I started smiling myself until I passed a few guys wearing formals and classy ties glued to their laptop looking serious and frantically typing something on the keyboard. Well, they too had earphones plugged, but to themselves. Were they listening to music to cut sound originating from speed typing? There was another gentleman watching a movie on his laptop computer. The small curve at the end of his lips gave away his happy feeling, which I am sure would have been a burst of laughter if he was watching it with someone.

As I retreated back to my seat I thought about all those moments when I listened to my favorite song "Happy" by Pharrell Williams on my smartphone with headphones and clapping my hands in joy. My wife would pass by me wondering what happened to her husband. Next time I am going to drag her to the side and plug one earphone on her soft ear and see what happens! I hope we will experience the joy of listening together!

©Balaji Palanidurai

Taking a step back

Today, when a wise plumber fixed a leaky pipe in our house it helped me understand the true meaning of taking a step back. 

All he did was advice us to turn the nozzle back a bit after closing it tight. 

Putting pressure to make it tight will only damage the washer and make it leak further.

In life too we are always obsessed with moving forward and exert our energy doing it. It helps to take a step back at times to avoid getting burnt out.




©Balaji Palanidurai